weeks like these

the last couple weeks have been exhausting, emotionally draining, fun at some points, but generally stressful. i’m still preparing for vancouver which is fucking me up a lot because i just don’t believe it! a lot of people say they could see me in vancouver. can you? seriously though.

it all started with my wallet being stolen. along with it being a 1500 dollar goyard wallet, it had 200 cash and all my ID

then you know basically from there it became me throwing myself back into this “underworld” of people who don’t do very cool shit. they do the opposite actually… for money!!! and of course knowingly i decided to take these jobs because they always have some dollar value to them…

but with all of that i remembered what thrill it has to release and let the excitement of being so “gangsta”….or whatever that even means.

i’m glad my friends can help me move through it though.

here’s some positive shit from the past couple weeks tho

i’m back

it’s been awhile since my last post but i’m really happy to be back. as of recently i’ve been working on making multiple streams of income through forex, my photography skills, and also creating the newest element of imVVS:

oh and here’s a pic from the other day at the orchard!

@ssstevv
see the edit on my instagram www.instagram.com/ssstevv

11:49pm

today i found out a lot of new things.

i dont even really care that my formatting is literally modelled by the way that i text because i feel people can still understand the message.

lovely friends, always there for support in hard times but sometimes causing hard times…does this type of situation ring true for anybody? seriously, let me know. i totally understand that feeling. lately its been like that with acouple close friends.

the feeling of not even wanting to see someones side of the story because your 100 percent convinced you have seen ALL sides of the story

maybe even on top of, or even in the middle of , hell below it all… all that shit, and im talking that straight up greasy shit thats hitting fan; you accept one fateful call that may send you back to ground 0.

just think about it, maybe even spring to write a comment.

i wanna say thank you so much to those that may feel like im talking about them, i still love you. you know this.

but today was really harsh people.

i wish mom was around

hypo-critics

just the other day one of the people closet to me had said he was having troubles…

varying from nature to nature, he landed on a subject that most can potentially relate too: expectations in relationships.

expectations can range from small things such as: social etiquette, respect for your elders, respecting a persons property, to even telling the truth one hundred percent of the time.

years ago, i went to the theatre with my father. we never had the best relationship, but i wont forget the times we had where things were going to some degree of normal. and at this theatre we watched a movie called “in time”. It came out in 2011, making me only 10 years old when i watched it… nonetheless, the movie fascinated me. the concept being, time is money really made me look at my past retrospectively at that time i spent before i was adopted.

now, i look back in hindsight to that time and think about all the struggle and agony i endured living with people i know didn’t love me. and i try be progress in ways avoiding those feelings at all costs. anything to cause that extent of pain and dementia is so wasteful of our time that it should be paid for. i feel that every year of my time is worth at least 5 million dollars, and its treated as less then 50 thousand a year until MAYBE death. but even before that, peoples time can be compensated for an even lesser amount of 15 grand.

a good friend of mine told me that our time on earth is like winning the lottery, and the time is money.

this very compounded idea couldn’t have been made without ever having some dimension of adversity present in her life. but the adversity also is what makes her come to that conclusion of herself. its a progression in time mixed with the adversity that needs to happen in order for us to understand our true value and energies.

t + a = inner understanding.

for myself, i understand one of the qualities you cant have an expectation for is your amount of inner understanding. when i enter an relationship that makes my world turn (which rarely happens lol rip) i try to hard and sometime come off as boring and fake. the reason being: im playing the guessing game when it comes to the other persons expectation, needs, or emotions

people

for those of you who read these posts…

here’s an thought. imagine: you meet some cool people at a party and there pretty awesome! they want to engage with you and chill, so you do. then, along with that a natural relationship kind of forms between all of you. naturally, you start to hangout on the regular. accordingly, you would somewhat share the same or similar interests and bond over them.

then all of a sudden things are so great and your living life alongside them as friends, following dreams w them, your partying together, and your doing it right as your reading this maybe

then they just stop texting and it feels like they forgot all about you and just for no reason??? maybe even making seeming like it your fault.

do u just say fuck em? or what?

lemme know

asking for a friend lmao ya right

personal power

hmmm i’m interested in what my personal power looks like…. you know? some people are blessed with amazing capacities and it’s hard to ignore that.

i think that we sometimes look outwards to everyone about ourselves; when we should just be looking at ourselves and trusting our own guts

FOR EXAMPLE

say you have a friend and they constantly have u walking on eggshells because you can facilitate their needs.

it’s definitely happened to me before! i’ve had so many moments lately where i just had to stop and realize the fact that: that person may not ever change! but also to trust ourselves enough to walk away from a hairy situation.

WHY would anyone have that tight ahold on my emotions? how can they be able to affect me so much?

it has to do with love. and compassion. and empathy. i guess?

REGARDLESS!

at the end of the day:

  • we sometimes lose sight of our own natural judgment
  • we might lose a wallet…with a whole nasty turn of events to follow that
  • we might lose a friend, or even worse, someone you considered as family
  • a job
  • our home

BUT WHEN IT COMES TO PERSONAL POWER!

for myself, part of my “personal power” is being able to put one foot in front of the other and just follow through on the here and now…

tuning

i try and tune myself into what’s going on around me. so i can understand situations clearly and REACT accordingly. i would like to believe this much is the same for you or the next person.

well sometimes it’s not quite like that…

some people like to think that they are never in the wrong and that it’s okay to constantly disregard others to prove themselves….

that’s too easy! from now on, i’m going to try and live through the downfall of manipulation, heart break, and the loss of what was seeming to be an amazing relationship.


ON THE BRIGHTER SIDE

– i’m now staying in kelowna

-i’ve been chilling with people who really tune in

– feel ok

-many cool ootds

god rest ur soul

so as a lot of people may not know, i wrote a song around seven months back. it was called “untitled”, and i wrote it to that same youtube beat and all and i just kinda left it. but recently when i went back through some of the music that i was working on, i came across it. and listening to it now, i really, really, was affected by it and it’s meanings to me.

i feel like the song is just mostly about how sometimes we try to so hard for people who can never return the favour. and when i re-listened to the “untitled” track, patterned it out and tried to butcher the mix (lmao), it really became god rest ur soul after being in a situation that really happened to me in just the past couple of days.

i’m sorry it has to be this way but it’s probably for the better..

i see these situations and hoped for better and hoped that you would get some rest. but not only for you but your soul too.

it feels too distant from the truth now than before.

that’s kind of the message behind the lyrics about us sipping from the same cup…like it’s a metaphor for the truth almost idk. we sometimes want to be so close to who we’re with that we could be seen sharing cups and shit in public but how could we ever get to that point if you just wanna be so dishonest with it?

anyways if you wanna listen to god rest your soul it’s available here, here, and here .

thanks for coming to my ted talk